FEATURE - While women have made great strides, especially Muslim women in the Western Cape, the reality was that too many women were still abused, humiliated and under-appreciated by a society that was battling to deal with the changing roles of males and females. As South Africa celebrates women's month in August, a group of Muslim men – recognised as local role models - said there was still a long way to go before both men and women were comfortable with how the balance of power between the two sexes had shifted.
"Men should just be men"
Business leader and chairperson of the District Six Beneficiary and Redevelopment Trust, Anwah Nagia told VOC that society needed an annual reminder of how unbalanced the scales still were in favour of women. "Last year we asked the same question and a year later women are still the most marginalised. Look at war-torn countries and you will find that it is women that are worst affected. Where women begin to assert themselves, they are still confronted with negative messages that tell them certain things are not their place. Yet the irony is that women outnumber men by 6 to 1."
What was needed was a deliberate change in attitude. "Among the younger generation that change is already taking place, but it is far slower among older generations. We need to set benchmarks so that we can track if our attitudes are changing. From what I have seen, women in the Cape have made lots of progress, compared to women in other provinces. Much of this has been due to the commitment some of our leaders have made to recognise the value of women in tangible ways."
What has added to the acceptance was the fact that women were beginning to excel academically and professionally. "You now have 3 - 4 women graduating for every male. It shows that women were taking seriously their societal role and are playing a commanding role in science, politics, even religion as we saw recently when the first female mufti was ordained in the Middle East. Things like this were unheard of before."
Nagia said the challenge for modern society was to acknowledge that men and women had different roles to play. "Some of these roles are generic and others are better suited to a specific sex. This is something that both men and women need to acknowledge. As for how men deal with the changing roles of the sexes, men just need to be bloody men and realise that being a man means showing respect to the women in their lives."
Setting an example at home
But according to parenting experts and educationist, Idris Khamissa, this was often easier said than done, especially if children were exposed to the wrong example at home. "Sadly too many of us are still indoctrinated with the belief that being macho means demeaning a woman. In truth, a real man is one who affirms women by recognising her dignity. Too many of our men still think it is emasculating if they help at home, yet our own Prophet (SAW) had no qualms about helping in his home."
Khamissa said men who failed to set the right example at home not only perpetuated the bad example in their sons, but also set their daughters up for future suffering. "Recently in the UK, the apas (teachers) who taught at madrassah complained that the boys in their class showed them no respect. On closer inspection they found that these boys came from homes where fathers followed a patriarchal system that ignored the role of women. As a result, the boys mimicked their father's behaviour outside of the home."
At the same time, a father who showed his wife respect and dignity also taught his daughter what she should expect in future of her spouse. But when the example was a bad one, girls were told not to expect a man to treat them any better. "The truth is also that fathers are no longer the amirs in their homes. Invariably, if something goes wrong, it is the women who take the lead in trying to resolve it," he explained.
"However, women are no longer sitting back and just taking what men dish out. Many of them are actively embracing feminist ideals to a level that is almost scary and that means they then impose themselves on men. What is needed is a process of dialogue as advocated in Islam where we realise that each gender is unique. We need to reaffirm that by couples taking the time to discuss these issues."
Go for gold but stay rooted
Sports writer and coach, Farouk Abrahams believes that men are often jealous of the mental strength women possess and still face an uphill battle accepting strong women because they feel threatened. "Men might be physically stronger than women, but women have incredibly powerful characters. At the same time, I worry for our future because for as much progress as career minded women have made, they have also sacrificed some of the strong spiritual and community values our mothers had. In the long term, if women continue this upward trajectory and lose touch with their roots, our society will be in trouble."
He believed that men were trying to adapt to the changing roles, but it was not easy. "There are some men who cannot handle strong women. Personally, I love it when women take something on and run with it. But especially in the corporate world you see how often men are threatened by such women. Today more women are challenging traditional roles everywhere, and it is their right to do so.
"While I encourage them to push hard to achieve things they deem as important, I must also caution them to hold onto their values. Already we see how the power balance has shifted in newly married couples where the fact that a woman earns more than her spouse has become a dangerous territory. This need not be the case if men recognise that women are a precious species and if there is mutual respect and acceptance."
Remembering your God-given role
Community worker Dawood Essack believes that half the difficulty women are forced to deal with could be resolved if women were reminded of the special role the Creator gave them. "We have seen a dramatic change in progress women have made and attitudes changing towards them, but there is still much more that needs to be achieved. The one thing that would make things easier for women is if at an early age we let our women and daughters feel how special they are in the eyes of the Almighty. If they understand that, they would have no problem dealing with the challenges that confront them," he said.
He said history showed that after the creation of Adam and Gouwa, no human was born without the intercession of a woman. "She is the carrier of life and that is something men can never aspire to be. It underscores the fundamental role that women need to play in our families and communities. Yet the reality is that in society it is still men who dominate."
According to Essack, one male weakness was their need to be in control. "Men need to feel that they are in power. What is needed instead is for men to look at the women in their lives and appreciate the role they play and the contribution they make. That goes so much further than whether or not they earn more than a man does. Besides which, there need not be any conflict about who earns more when the changing role of genders allows men and women to contribute differently to the union."
Consensus and partnership
Here the bottom line was recognising the fact that men and women needed consensus to be a successful partnership, said Taj Akliker, an activist against domestic abuse. "We have seen women increasingly on the cutting edge, making great strides as our society collectively tries to deal with the issues that confront us. But beyond that role is another role that can never be forgotten - women are in the forefront of moulding human values."
He said that internationally men were battling to redefine their roles. "We know that women outnumber men and are becoming more professional and men find themselves uncomfortable in that space. The stereotype as we knew it no longer exist more and increasingly we see that men and women are swapping roles. It is an international phenomenon and a sign of the times we are living in. Sadly, it also manifests itself repeatedly in the cycles of abuse we see in our homes where a man feels inferior to his wife and exerts himself and his control in an abusive fashion."
He believes that Muslims leaders and institutions need to play a bigger role in helping men to become more comfortable with their changing role. "Our leaders need to help men understand from the mimbar how to make this transition. But our institutions must play a bigger role to delve into the questions that make both men and women uneasy. Unless we make a deliberate attempt to address this in an appropriate manner, our society will battle to deal with this issue."
Look at Islamic tradition
President of the United Ulema Council of South Africa (Uucsa), Sheik Ebrahim Gabriels believes that the celebration of national Women's Day and Women's Month is critical. "We often say that every day should be Women's Day, but we also know the reality is that this is very far from the truth. Invariably women are still humiliated and treated like lesser human beings by men. So we need this month as a reminder. This includes using every means at our disposal, like the media, to change perceptions that have manifested themselves over generations."
Gabriels said there was much for Muslims to reflect on in the Islamic tradition in order to give recognition to women. "We need to look holistically at what the Quran says about how women should be treated. Often we find that some of our communities still keep women from their mosques because they take a narrow view of the teachings that advise that women pray at home. But we forget that Islam always follows the middle road.
"There are also plenty of women in the history of Islam that shows how highly we respect them - the fact that the first person martyr in Islam was a woman, the first person to perform haj from Masjidul Aqsa was a woman…the list goes on. We are reminded of a hadith by our beloved Nabi (SAW) who said that the best of you is he who is best to his women. We are also told to fear Allah when it comes to our responsibilities towards our women."
He quoted a hadith which said if someone initiates a good practise that is worthy of being continued, there was reward in it. "This applies to the practise of national Women's Day. It is meritorious, much needed commemoration if it will help us to give appropriate recognition to the role that women play in our society." VOC
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